Saturday, May 26, 2007

Gurus Explain Why They Were Wrong About the Stock Market

My Dearest Moo Moo Cow,

Here is a hilarious top-10-posting.
Gurus Explain Why They Were Wrong About the Stock Market

10. You took my statement out of context, leaving out all the obfuscatory elaboration, conditional clauses, counterpoints and equivocations. Your judgment is unfair.

9. I was close enough. You should give me credit.

8. I will be right eventually; I just don't know when. (Or sometime later: I was right, but my timing was off.)

7. I may be wrong on some little things, but I'm dead right on all the big ones. You shouldn't count the little ones.

6. I provide risk assessments based on historical tendencies, not forecasts. You should not call it wrong. The low probability scenario happened, so it was just bad luck.

5. My public statements may be sometimes wrong, but I am 100% right in my private newsletter. You have to pay for the good stuff.

4. Since I am rich and famous, I must be smart. Since I am smart, I must be right. Quid est demonstrandum. No need to check up on me any more.

3. If brokers weren't so manipulative and investors so gullible, what I said would happen would have happened. You should give me credit for my compelling argument.

2. The Plunge Protection Team (or the President, or the Vice President and his cabal, or the Treasury Secretary, or the Federal Reserve, or the Japanese, or the Chinese) intervened to prop up the market. You shouldn't count that against me.

1. What forecast? Let me tell you about a great new investment opportunity!