Friday, October 24, 2008

Credit Crunch Jokes!

  • A trader: "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

    President Bush said clients shouldn't be concerned by all these bank closings. If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM, he said.

    George Bush said that he is saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman brothers. His thoughts at this time is to go out to their mother as losing one son is hard, but losing two is a tragedy.

    The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

    In maths there are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion. The rest are all subprime.

    How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

    What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

    Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money back.

    For Geography students: What's the capital of Iceland ? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...

    If you want to gamble, go to Las Vegas . If you want to trade in derivatives, God bless you.

    Whats the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

    Whats the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures.

    Lehman have changed their recommendation on Lehman from hold to sell.

    Forty years ago I sold fifty shares of my company stock and had enough money to purchase a brand-new 1967 Ford pickup. Last week, I checked it out, and if I sold another fifty shares, Id have enough money to buy a 1967 Ford pickup. So, the market has stabilized.

    What have an Icelandic bank and an Icelandic streaker got in common ? They both have frozen assets.

    A Director decided to award a prize of £50 for the best idea of saving the company money during the credit crunch. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to £10.

ps: Chelski play LFC this weekend, m8! How? Comeon United!